Concerned Your Loved One is Struggling with an Eating Disorder? Recognizing the Warning Signs

What warning signs should friends and family look out for regarding disordered eating?

People often come to me concerned that their loved one is developing an eating disorder. They wonder if they should be concerned and want to know potential warning signs. Here are some of the symptoms I talk with them about:

Increased isolation is a big red flag. Mental illnesses, especially eating disorders, thrive in isolation. A person struggling with an eating disorder often avoids situations involving food, whether it's a family bbq, a friend’s birthday party, or an office luncheon. Negative body image, low mood, and increased anxiety are also commonly experienced and can act as barriers to connecting with loved ones and the wider community.

Symptoms vary, and eating disorders manifest differently from person to person. You may notice changes in behavior surrounding food, exercise and body. People may start to engage in odd eating patterns such as pushing food around their plate, overuse of low-calorie condiments or over-controlling how a meal is cooked (no butter, oils or fats). Someone might also spend excessive time in the bathroom, particularly after meals. 

You may notice evidence of food being hidden or hoarded, or your loved one may express guilt and distress regarding what they have consumed.

You might also notice that a loved one’s exercise schedule becomes rigid, inflexible, or extreme. For example, an adolescent may continue their regular sports practices but begin adding significant exercise outside of those sessions, becoming distressed if prevented from doing so. Additionally, someone with an eating disorder may start hiding their body under baggy clothing or become anxious when clothes shopping.

There is Hope:

Eating disorders can look a lot of different ways, but all deserve support and care. Regardless of the specific behaviors, the mental distress and impacts on one’s physical and emotional wellness are significant. Fortunately, with the proper support of eating disorder specialized therapy and dietetic support, eating disorder recovery is possible. 

My Body Is the Least Interesting Thing About Me: Navigating Unsolicited Body Comments

What do you say when someone comments on your body? Oftentimes, when people comment on your body, it comes with good intentions. They are offering what they believe is a compliment, such as, “You look great. Have you lost weight?” or “You look so healthy!”

The problem is that we don’t know how someone’s brain is going to receive these seemingly positive body comments. We never know the internal workings of someone else’s relationship with their body. Could those comments trigger their eating disorder? Could they have lost weight because of depression, grief, or chronic illness? Now, every time they see you, if you don't say “you look great,” are they going to be stuck wondering if you’ve noticed they gained weight?

And when someone comments on your body with judgment, well, that’s a whole other story (and I recommend telling them to mind their own business).

So, what can you actually say when someone comments on your body? Here are some ideas:

• “I’m trying not to focus on appearance these days.”

• “My body is the least interesting thing about me.”

• “Welp, that made me uncomfortable.”

• “I would rather you not comment on my body.”

• Quickly change the subject. 

You can either push through the discomfort and offer some education as to why their comment felt problematic, or you can simply change the subject. If the commenter is saying this to you, they probably say similar things to other people. Your feedback could be helpful for their social learning. However, you are not obligated to put your energy into educating everyone around you as to why body comments are unwelcome.

If someone constantly engages in body talk and it makes you uncomfortable, you can try being open about why this bothers you, either from a personal or societal perspective. You may also want to take space from this person, especially if you find their comments detrimental to your mental health. It certainly makes it easier to feel good, or even just neutral, about your body when you’re surrounded by people who focus conversation on topics outside of what they or others look like.

The best piece of body commentary advice I have ever heard is: “Don’t comment on anyone’s body unless it is about something they can change in two minutes.” For example, if your coworker has spinach stuck in their teeth or your friend’s shirt is on backwards, they might want to know. Otherwise, keep your thoughts about their body to yourself.